Here is the first in a series of “Managment Sucks” “algorithms for modern managers” (written in ActionScript!)
private function getManagerChristmasBonus(mgr:Manager, employees:Array) : Number { var managerBonus:Number = 5000; for (var i=0; i< employees.length; i++) { switch (employee[i].status) { case FIRED: managerBonus += 3000; break; case OUTSOURCED: managerbonus += 2500; break; case LAYEDOFF: managerBonus += 2000 break; case ON_THE_VERGE_OF_QUITTING: managerBonus += 1500; break; case HOPES_AND_DREAMS_SHATTERED: managerBonus += 1000; break; case SPIRIT_BROKEN: managerBonus += 500; break; case HAPPY_WELL_ADJUSTED_EMPLOYEE: managerBonus += 100; sendHarrassingEmailAboutTimeCard(employee[i]); break; } }
return managerBonus + Math.random()*10000; }