# More Algorithms For Modern Managers

I’ve been looking for these for a very long time, and I finally found them. We came up with these many years ago, and I think they still hold-true today.  The following are 21st Century “algorithms” that modern managers can use to figure out their daily evil.

Figuring Out Who Should Be Promoted

function fastTrack(EmployeeClass employee, String buzzword) {
employee.bullshitDictionary.push(buzzword);

if employee.bullshitDictionary.count >=100 {

employee.manager=true;

}

}

Bonus Payout For Difficult Decisions

}

Project Management

function quality(int scope_creep) {

project.quick += scope_creep;

project.dirty + = scope_creep;
}

Who To Lay Off Today?

/* Employee Layoff Justification */

function justifyLayoff (employee){

layoff = true;

if (employee.cubicle.squareFeet > 50){

if (employee.cubicle == ‘storage’){

layoff = true;

}else{

layoff = false;

}

}

if (employee.cubicle.window.hasview == true){

if (employee.cubicle.window.view == ‘maintenance yard’){

layoff = true;

}else{

layoff = false;

}

}

if (employee.hasParkingSpot == true){

if (employee.hasParkingSpot.type == ‘Employee Of The Month’){

if (employee.vp.bonus < (CEO.bonus/2)){

layoff = true;

employee.vp.bounus += employee.salary;

}else{

layoff = false;

}

}else{

layoff = false;

}

}

if (layoff) {

employee.layoff();

}

}

An Easier Layoff Wizard

function LayoffWizard() {

/* Automatically takes care of the bottom 10% */

for each employeeID in employees {

if (employees.rank <10.0) {